**#metoo

Have you ever been talking with your
drunk best friend and she
kisses you and you
wonder if it’s the whiskey
or the love in her eyes and you
decide maybe you
shouldn’t continue this but she’s
taller than you and stronger than you
and suddenly your jeans are coming off
and suddenly she’s putting her hands
places that she hasn’t in years
and feelings are coming back but you
know this is wrong but you
can’t put a stop to it in then just when you’re
trying to tell her it hurts she passes out and you
push her away and you
wonder if you are the one who
did something wrong?

Me too.

Have you ever been drinking
with a bunch of friends
and a guy you’ve had sex with
during other nights of drinking
decides that you still want to
and this time he’s
on your back and he
doesn’t listen to your
protests and your
rectum is bleeding but you
don’t go to the ER
because you’ve had this before and you
know it’s not that bad and you
know people will think that you
agreed to everything?

Me too.

Have you ever been driven home
from way too much drinking
by your roommate while the others
including his wife
stayed at the party
and the youngest roommate who is
his wife’s little sister
had been babysitting the kids and she
helps you into the shower
then zones back into headphones
while he hops into the shower
and has his way
then she comes back later
and helps you to bed
and tells you to sleep
and later she and he
and everyone else
call you a liar?

Me too.

Have you ever been at a pool party
with a bunch of other kids in your
8th grade class and a boy that you
like and you’ve held hands with on the
playground and called boyfriend is standing
next to you in the pool and he
reaches his hand to the inseam of your
swimsuit and touches things he shouldn’t and it
feels good but it doesn’t and no one else
notices and you don’t know what to say
and you’re frozen in time and he
finishes and swims away and you
feel icky that day?

Me too.

Have you ever been too
drunk to function and you
pass out on your futon and you
sober up to the interrogation
of police officers who want to
know if you consented to the
things your bestie caught your guy pal
doing to your body?

Me too.

Have you ever been watching McGuyver
with your daddy and you’re three
and he says it’s time for bed but you
want to stay up so you
sneak in behind his recliner but he
catches you watching so he
yanks off your jeans and you
scream “No, Daddy! No!”
and it hurts where you
pee and you wake up from this memory
as a nightmare well into your
thirties and you
haven’t been able to stop
what the doctors call stress incontinence?

Me too.

Have you ever been happily married but you
recently had a baby so you
aren’t ready to have sex but he
insists that he needs it
so he pressures you into it
and you want to stop but he
doesn’t so you’re
crying as he’s climaxing
and it
burns for days?

Me too.

Have you ever been at a
friend’s house picking up
your kids and your
five year old tells the room full of
people what her
father has been doing to her
and you feel homicidal but you
also feel numb
and you call the police and he
gets twenty five years but his
family blames you?

Me too.

Have you ever sat down
trying to remember all the times
that you or someone you know
felt violated and used
and you realize your list would
take chapters and books?

Me too.