Hold The Schmaltz

schmaltz [shmahlts, shmawlts]
1. Informal. exaggerated sentimentalism, as in music or soap operas.
2. fat or grease, especially of a chicken.

I originally came up with this entry’s title in reference to two random discussions with the colleague I’ve been blathering on about. In one, I had mentioned that with all the choices in religions, religious subsets, and variants on religious texts, I could imagine a giant restaurant menu and someone making the order, “I’ll have a side of Christianity–hold the fundamentalism.” In the other discussion, he had shared a link to a Joel Osteen sermon, and mentioned that although that particular sermon was actually not bad, his usual sermons were reputed to be theologically shallow and schmaltzy. I cannot comment on that without a frame of reference, of course.

As I’ve recently mentioned, though, I am currently soul-searching and spiritually lost. Discussing religions with friends who are secure in their own seems to help. Writing about my inner thoughts on my blog seems to help…unless…

You know that moment in junior high when your crush finds your diary, reads it, and comments on it? It doesn’t even have to be mean, but it’s soul-crushing and embarrassing. It’s painful, and yet oddly conciliatory.

Personal bloggers, those of us who choose for whatever reason to publicly blog about the intimate details of our daily lives are supposed to be immune or desensitized to this phenomena. We’re supposed to simply not care, or react with snark and sophistication, like the time I found out my husband’s soup du jour were reading my blog entry.

I am not immune.

Grace and aplomb escape me when, at five or so in the morning, my groggy, coffee-deprived mother decides to browse Facebook, discovers a link to my blog, clicks it, and discovers on my behalf that the aforementioned colleague had not only read my blog last night, but had commented–twice.

He was, of course, neither rude nor dismissive. The entries he chose to comment on were largely based on my discussions of doctrinal disorientation–except that within those I mentioned him, as I am insanely doing again in this entry. In those entries, I made it pathetically clear that I had a crush on someone I had no business wanting.

I’m pretty sure I violated some rule of some kind.

  1. Thou shalt not covet thy coworkers, especially if they’re already seeing someone (or something like that, I’m paraphrasing…).

Anyway, the proverbial feline has vacated the proverbial satchel, or the proverbial feces has impacted the proverbial air circulating device. Whichever way you slice it, this goose is cooked. The cookie has crumbled into the spilled milk. Perhaps I should move on to another topic?

I heard the Razorbacks have won the Super Cup this year thanks to Tiger Woods and will be moving on to the World Synchronized Clog Dancing Champions…or something like that, I’m paraphrasing…

“schmaltz.” Dictionary.com Unabridged. Random House, Inc. 19 Apr. 2013. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/schmaltz>.

View the full blog at heartchasms.blogspot.com and like the blog on Facebook.

One thought on “Hold The Schmaltz

  1. At least that guy you’re talking about didn’t comment on “Deleterious Desires” or “In Deference To Cubicles.” Now THAT would have been awkward. However, in the short time that I’ve known this fellow, I’ve heard him give the same advice over and over again, which is that no one should ever try to rebound with a crush. The emotional attachments people immediately make to a new person upon ending a long-term relationship with a no-longer-significant-other are almost always a coping mechanism rather than a genuine attraction, as indicated by the excessive idealization imposed upon the object of affection. In fact, I think I’ve heard him give this advice to at least two other colleagues over the years, as well as a handful of friends, and it always proved to be the healthiest approach. At the same time, I bet this colleague isn’t offended at all, but rather is genuinely sympathetic and concerned. Then again, I’d have to talk with him again to be sure.

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