on Dec 21, 2011 at 2:55 PMWhat’s disturbing to me is that someone went to that funeral and sat there pretending to care about this family and their loss and then sold images to TMZ. I’ve lost three babies to misscarriage, the latest at 14.5wks. I never had a funeral. People told me to just get over (like that was easy). A friend of mine is currently worrying about her son born at 24wks who is in the NICU and we’re hoping the odds are in his favor. RIP sweet little Jubilee. I can tell your family genuinely loves you.
This is my comment on an article about the Duggar’s latest media controversy. Apparently TMZ posted what they considered “disturbing” images leaked from the Duggar’s funeral service for their 20th child, who was miscarried in the second trimester.
Say what you will about this family, but it’s obvious that love is part of their daily lives, which is more than I can say for some families out there. And in a trying time such as the death of a loved one (and YES miscarriage does equal death of a loved one), it is so very wrong to badmouth how those people choose to grieve that loss.
Funerals are not for the dead–they are for the living. The friends and family of the deceased need a way to move on and begin to heal. That healing won’t happen overnight even with a memorial service, but the memorial service will help them. It will show them that the person they are missing was well-loved, cared for, left an “imprint on this world” (assuming everyone at the service is behaving appropriately).
I also don’t understand why people are so in a huff about the Duggar’s usage of an age-old tradition of memento mori (although that phrase translates to roughly “remember you must die” many people have used these photos of deceased loved ones as a means to remember that they had lived, especially in the case of stillborn children where the only other pictures of the children that might’ve existed would’ve been ultrasound pics if the parents had gotten them, but that was a recent invention anyway).
I wish that I knew Michelle Duggar; I’d give her a big hug right now. Losing a child isn’t like losing a treasured dish that’s part of a collection “Well, we really enjoyed it while it lasted, but we’ve got all the rest here so it’ll be okay…” Each loss hurts uniquely, no matter how many children you already have that need your love and courage.