After an interesting blog read and a long chat with a dear friend on Tuesday, I decided to recant my recant. In other words, I deleted and blocked Voldemort and his cancerous growth from my Facebook page. However, I didn’t stop there. I can no longer easily call, IM, or email his putridness (except by painful memory). If you’re in the but-how-will-he-contact-his-kids camp, rest assured he still has the power to call, write, or send a carrier pigeon to them. He could even purchase and painstakingly train a pet chimpanzee to drive a tiny motorcycle across five states in a cute little messenger’s uniform so it can hand-deliver a video-diary in DVDR format for the girls’ viewing pleasure–I don’t care. It’s his ball. It’s his court.
The idea of a dressed and trained Simia troglodytes showing up on my front stoop every month or so brings audible amusement to me even at this late and sleepless hour, I doubt seriously that he’ll do any of the above without a push of some kind. It just hurts me when Luna calls him and the calls route to voicemail, when she asks me to text him and mention she wants to chat and he replies that he’s too busy, when the few calls he has answered end in him rushing her off the line with “I love you night night” because he always has something more pressing to tend to, when the one time she got to do a video chat with him he chose to distort his image with various camera features rather than let her see the face she’s only seen in old photographs these past few months. I’m not saying he does not love his girls; I’m just hearing his actions louder than his words. I also hurts me to interact with him at all, with is manipulative statements designed to either enrage me or moisten my Hanes Her Ways and those eyes that at once charm and curse.
Is going to be brighter. I am already taking steps in the right direction. I’m not at liberty to divulge all details at this time, but I’ve got a path lined up that–while not my original–is pretty scenic and sans pestilence. I do not wish to be hung up on him forever, a barnacle on a sinking ship. The best case scenario is that he and this new whore actually stay together forever; he treats her 100 times better than he ever did me; and her kids think he’s the greatest father in the world, but I learn nothing of any of this because our interaction is limited to those times that chimp shows up with the girls’ letters.