A My Name Is Ashley And I’m Gonna… @Heartchasms

Failing Web Cam Usage

…marry that one guy…

And we’re gonna sell Anime and live in Arkansas. Until he decided that he’d prefer someone else and kicked me to the curb. I could have fought back…but I was tired of his verbal abuse, occasional physical abuse, etc. I’ve discussed some if this with all of my readers and all of this with some of my close friends. I know that I should move on.

My mom and I watched a Tyler Perry movie last night. The thing with those movies is they always end with everyone hugging and praising the Christian lord god almighty as they cry and forgive everyone’s sins and either make up with the ones they broke up with or marry an upgrade…that’s not real life.

Real life is friends of mine who find themselves in complicated situations when new relationships start before old ones are finished and unexpected children are caught in the mix. Real life is people like me sitting alone in a desert trailer home watching the sun rise and set with no one but my beautiful children and my well-meaning mother and other characters for companionship. Real life is the bad guy winning and good guy losing.

At some point, I’ll likely climb out of this funk. The divorce will be filed and finalized. My college education will have been completed. I’ll have an awesome high-paying job…or not. But maybe I’ll find happiness, a new love, a living to be made in the world. Maybe my oldest daughter will stop being disappointed when Daddy says he might call and never does (I’m actually stopped telling her that he might). Maybe my youngest daughter won’t ever realize that someone is missing from her childhood. Or maybe sus padre will buck up and be a man, forget all the arbitrary reasons he’s decided to hate me, and make a conscious effort to be in their lives for their sake. One can dream…

Justifiable Moneycide

Since I’ve come out here to the valley of the sun, I’m having to replace everything I left behind, and also make efforts to gradually improve my living situation. Some recent purchases to that end include new car seats for my little angels, new front tires on the car, new front brakes on the car, an oil change on the car, and diagnosing the issues with the car’s windows and HVAC ($300ea for window motors and $1300 for the HVAC repairs; that’s gonna wait until the unexpected financial windfall the psychic I don’t have warned me about…).

I also got a printer because I had to leave my 5yo Cannon printer/scanner/copier behind. I’m now the proud owner of an HP Photosmart printer/scanner/copier. Don’t freak out. It was on sale. And necessary. I’ve been printing out resumes and cover letters galore, sealing those puppies into document envelopes, and mailing them to various periodicals. So far I’ve gotten 13 “Return To Sender”s and 1 formal rejection letter. Yay me. But one must press onward. Among those outgoing mails, I fully intend to–at some point in the near future–include printed versions of things I have written that can be sent out to publications who have expressed a willingness to sometimes accept (and pay for) unsolicited work.

In light of el padre de mis hijas having promised to actually contact the products of his and my genetics, I also purchased a web cam and headset. I was furious that he felt it was my responsibility to provide such equipment for the girls’ to contact him, since he kept me from bringing so much with me and since he refuses to send and money or merchandise to them without a governing body forcing him to. Then I thought about it from a different angle.

If I pretend for just a moment that he hasn’t filled our former family home with hoes and bums and other people’s children, and if I pretend for just a moment that he didn’t pressure me out of said home, and if I assume for a moment that his feelings in all of this should even be considered by me, then maybe it’s possible that he was concerned that if he purchased equipment for the girls’ to use to contact him that I would use it for other purposes. It’s remotely possible that his concerns would then be legitimate enough to justify not purchasing said equipment–in theory.

I really cannot afford to always be the one doing everything, but it seems that’s where I find myself, so I will keep doing that. It is doubtful he will contact them regularly anyway, given his recent track record, but miracles have been known to happen.

Testing Testing One Two

I first used the equipment I purchased to call a friend on Yahoo. The friend didn’t have applicable electronic devices, so it resulted in a typed conversation with my chubby mug on screen. At least I know everything works.

I wanted to go ahead and see if I could film, upload, and share a video using the cam. The attached vid is just that. My terrible recording. I failed at web cam usage…but you can laugh at me and tell your friends to do the same. Maybe the YouTube version will get millions of hits, all from people there to talk shit about me, lol.

View the full blog at heartchasms.blogspot.com and like the blog on Facebook.

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