Anuses And Angry Rants

My Husband’s Company

My husband’s company now has a more direct link on facebook, as well as a new website via GoDaddy.com so you should totally check both pages out and like the company on facebook. Then, if you reside in or near Fort Smith, you should totally show up and shop there. I am anime illiterate for the most part, but I love wasting money on pocky, Japanese soda, gummies, and I’ve tried the energy drinks.

Dairy-Free Recipes

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via allrecipes.com

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I’m not trying to go Vegan cause I love me some meat people! But I do have issues with dairy products. I think my digestive system would thank me if I implemented some of these recipes into my diet.

Best of Bad Baby Names

I got an e-mail a while back from a lady who said she gave her potential baby names a test: did they fit better in the sentence, “Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States [blank] [blank]” or “And now, on the main stage, the Lusty Beaver Adult Club presents the hot action of [blank] [blank].” I think hospital forms should be reformatted to force parents to do just that.

I actually laughed aloud reading this excerpted part of this page.

Horrible baby names

As Cthulhu, you have a natural interest in the welfare of your fellow man, and a desire to help and serve others in a humanitarian way. You are responsible and generous, although somewhat scattering and disorganized at times. Any jobs requiring systematic and conscientious effort, or involving any form of drudgery, dismay you. In your work, you would seek a position offering self-expression through contact with people, such as sales or teaching, or a position giving scope to your creative, artistic talents. You are good-natured and likeable, and people tend to confide in you and seek your advice in personal problems. Others sense your sincere interest and desire to help, and you can always be counted on to see the bright side of any problem.

You have to laugh. And then you have to hope that no one out there has used this as a baby name. And then you have to hope that if you do meat little Cthulhu out there in the world somewhere, that he/she doesn’t ever find out a giant tentacle monster was the namesake…

Unique Baby Names

  • Anagrams: To create an anagram of an existing name, take the tile letters from the game Scabble and combine them in different ways.
  • Telescoping: Drop letters from a word until you find a baby name that is suitable.  Kahlil Gibran can be changed to Kabran.  Schuyler can become Sky.
  • From the father’s name: A boy can be named “Junior,” but you can be more creative.  Donald can become Doni or for a girl, Donie.  John can become Jonette, Jonille, Jonalee.
  • From the mother’s name: A popular way to name a boy after his mother is to use her maiden name if it was Ward, Grey Parker, Davis, Ross, Cole, Taylor, Williams – or an equivalent.  Or the mothers name can be transformed to a boy’s name.  Mary can become Martin, Marle, Marwin, Marson, Marren, etc.  For a girl, it can be Mari, Marina, etc.
  • Combinations: Take the mother’s and father’s names and combine to create a new baby name.  Mary and John could be Marjon, Daniel and Susan would be Dansan, David and Sally could be Dally not Salad!  Alan and Mary make a very nice girls name Alray.
  • Re-Spellings: Take a name like Marianne and make it MariAnne to create a new baby name.  Arlene becomes ArLene.  Catlin becomes CaitLin.  Make Janet J’Net or J’Nette.
  • Because I’m bored, not tired, and shirking domestic and education responsibilities, I found this website. It inspired me to create this poll on facebook:

    JOKE!! Which is a great name for a hypothetical future child?:

    http://on.fb.me/i8WQAj 

    If you want to use this site’s suggestions to create your own unique baby names guaranteed to get your future sperm-and-egg omelet’s arse kicked or feelings hurt all through grammar school, here are some websites to help you come up with just the right reason for your kid to go to court for a legal name change when they turn 18:

    http://wordsmith.org/anagram/advanced.html (helps with anagrams)

    http://babynamesworld.parentsconnect.com/ (lets you search a database of baby names with advanced search parameters such as names that contain a set of letters or start with a set of letters)

    http://www.truespel.com/en/ (converts text into phonetic spelling–as in pronunciation, not as in using words to represent letters)

    If you come up with some particularly nauseating names, feel free to post them in the comments.

    #100factsaboutme (31-80)

    1. I have to kiss my husband three times in a row when he leaves the house or goes to bed.

    2. In high school I had pink hair and then maroon hair.

    3. I used to wear things like prom dresses and costumes to class my freshman year of college.

    4. I prefer cats to dogs.

    5. I could live off of convenience store food.

    6. I’m addicted to Dr. Pepper.

    7. I haven’t been to a movie theater since I was four months pregnant with Luna.

    8. I want to get my doctorate.

    9. I love to go for walks in the middle of the night.

    10. When I was little I wanted to be every profession that has the potential to bring fame and fortune.

    11. I sing in the shower.

    12. I miss being in college.

    13. I’ve always wanted a convertible.

    14. I don’t own a winter coat.

    15. I’ve only been drunk twice in my entire life.

    16. I’m scared to take chances without safety nets.

    17. I love eating frog legs.

    18. Pink is my favorite color.

    19. When I was in Job Corps I slept on top of my linens so that I wouldn’t have to make my bed in the morning.

    20. I hate wearing shoes.

    21. I love to go hiking, rock climbing, and spelunking.

    22. The only animal I’ve ever killed for food is a fish.

    23. I’m allergic to most metals except silver and gold.

    24. I sing along with the radio and MP3.

    25. I’m afraid of the dark.

    26. I feel guilty every time I spend money on myself.

    27. I use the architecture feature of my Sims 3 game to build replicas of my house, which I then remodel in various ways to
    see what my house could look like if funds were unlimited.

    28. I have a crush on Jessica Alba.

    29. I talk during movies and TV shows, working the plot out and making predictions.

    30. Sometimes I imagine the CSI crew solving my murder.

    #100factsaboutme is trending on Twitter. I tweeted the post I’m excerpting here and promised my s̶t̶a̶l̶k̶e̶r̶s̶ followers to provide them with another 70 random facts at a later time.

    ¡ǝɯıʇ ʇɐɥʇ sı ʍoᴎ

    31. I spend too much time on the internet.
    32. I’m lactose intolerant but I still eat ice cream.
    33. I’m a proud omnivore.
    34. I hate the taste of toothpaste no matter which brand or flavor.
    35. There are always two pillows under my head when I sleep.
    36. I birthed both of my babies without pain medication.
    37. I love sex. A lot. It’s awesome.
    38. I’m an insomniac.
    39. When I get depressed I overeat or overspend.
    40. My eyes are usually brown, but sometimes they turn green or gold.
    41. I’ve always wanted to fly a plane.
    42. I have a recurring dream where I can fly without a plane, but its by running fast in the air or swimming in the air.
    43. I have multiple orgasms during a tattooing.
    44. I have done a cam show before.
    45. I like to pretend I’m hosting a cooking show when I’m working in my kitchen.
    46. When I want to talk to someone about a conflict I first talk to the air or a star as if it were them.
    47. When I’m in the passenger side of a vehicle, I hit imaginary brakes and hold the Oh shit! handle.
    48. I see faces everywhere.
    49. I feel more loved by my husband when he snuggles with me in bed than I do when he buys me something expensive.
    50. When I lost a bunch of weight prior to conceiving Luna, I had seriously considered getting a job at a strip joint.
    51. My only objection to polygamy or polyamory is my own jealousy issues.
    52. I cannot stand housework.
    53. I love sushi, especially the raw fish rolls.
    54. I have never been able to watch cartoons without criticizing their incongruousness with reality or searching for the subtext.
    55. I used to read the dictionary for fun.
    56. I’ve never had Jello shots.
    57. I prefer canned fruit to fresh fruit.
    58. I am proud of my huge sagging stretch-marked tits.
    59. When I was a kid I put pennies in my mouth because I liked the taste of copper. I don’t mean when I was a small kid either.
    60. I had lice so much growing up that I still absentmindedly check my fingernails every time I scratch an itch on my head.
    61. I have never mowed a lawn.
    62. I hate going to the beach unless it’s nighttime.
    63. I still count on my fingers.
    64. I’ve never memorized all of the multiplication tables.
    65. I like the metric system.
    66. I’m most proud of my stream-of-consciousness art and writing.
    67. I used to put the sole of my feet on the top of my head when I told people I could stand on my head.
    68. When I was a kid, I sucked my toes just because I could.
    69. I still pick my nose.
    70. I always told my mom I hated beans, but I really just hated the gas they gave me.
    71. This morning is the very first time I’ve ever seen the episode of Looney Toons where Bugs meets Taz for the first time.
    72. There is a tiny DJ in my brain that plays lyrical snippets anytime a word or phrase is similar to said lyrical snippets.
    73. I use my finger to put saliva on stamps and envelopes rather than licking them to secure the seal because I’m paranoid about the chemicals.
    74. I have an irrational fear of body puppets.
    75. I fail the Alzheimer’s checklist.
    76. I believe in magic.
    77. I hate the fudge at Golden Coral.
    78. I like cosleeping with my children, but my husband doesn’t so I try to encourage my children to sleep in their own beds, but if he’s not home or if they come into the room after we’re asleep I just let them stay because a snoring baby or preschooler is better than a teddy bear or body pillow for cuddling.
    79. I actually like playing the helpless damsel in distress.
    80. I still call my mother “mommy” sometimes.

    Okay, so that’s still not 100. Give me a break. It’s 5.24a and my eyelids are finally heavy. I’ll post another 20 eventually. 😛

    The Anus Burger

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    via freaksoffastfood.com

    Doesn’t this just make your tummy growl in anticipation?

    The Pledge of Allegiance

    The Pledge of Allegiance was written in August 1892 by the socialist minister Francis Bellamy (1855-1931). It was originally published in The Youth’s Companion on September 8, 1892. Bellamy had hoped that the pledge would be used by citizens in any country.
    In its original form it read:

    “I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

    In 1923, the words, “the Flag of the United States of America” were added. At this time it read:

    “I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

    In 1954, in response to the Communist threat of the times, President Eisenhower encouraged Congress to add the words “under God,” creating the 31-word pledge we say today. Bellamy’s daughter objected to this alteration. Today it reads:

    “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

    Section 4 of the Flag Code states:

    The Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag: “I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”, should be rendered by standing at attention facing the flag with the right hand over the heart. When not in uniform men should remove any non-religious headdress with their right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the hand being over the heart. Persons in uniform should remain silent, face the flag, and render the military salute.”

    The original Bellamy salute, first described in 1892 by Francis Bellamy, who authored the original Pledge, began with a military salute, and after reciting the words “to the flag,” the arm was extended toward the flag.

    At a signal from the Principal the pupils, in ordered ranks, hands to the side, face the Flag. Another signal is given; every pupil gives the flag the military salute — right hand lifted, palm downward, to a line with the forehead and close to it. Standing thus, all repeat together, slowly, “I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands; one Nation indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all.” At the words, “to my Flag,” the right hand is extended gracefully, palm upward, toward the Flag, and remains in this gesture till the end of the affirmation; whereupon all hands immediately drop to the side.

    The Youth’s Companion, 1892

    Shortly thereafter, the pledge was begun with the right hand over the heart, and after reciting “to the Flag,” the arm was extended toward the Flag, palm-down.
    In World War II, the salute too much resembled the Nazi salute, so it was changed to keep the right hand over the heart throughout.

    I keep seeing various posts on facebook that say things like:

    “Don’t buy the patriotic PEPSI CAN coming out with pictures of the empire state building. and the pledge of allegiance on them. Pepsi LEFT OUT Two little WORDS on the pledge ‘UNDER GOD’. Pepsi said they did not want to offend anyone, so if we dont buy them, they won’t be offended when they don’t receive our money that has the words ‘In God we trust’ on it!!! How fast can you repost this??”

    Or:

    “I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! MY GENERATION GREW UP RECITING THIS EVERY MORNING IN SCHOOL WITH MY HAND ON MY HEART WITH RESPECT. THEY NO LONGER DO THAT FOR FEAR OF OFFENDING SOMEONE! LET’S SEE HOW MANY AMERICANS WILL RE-POST THIS & NOT CARE ABOUT OFFENDING SOMEONE..”

    Attempts to inform these ignoramuses of their gross oversight in terms of historical accuracy full upon deaf ears (or blind eyes such as the case may be). I know I am preaching to the proverbial choir here by blogging about this, as most of my regular readers are in range with me on the political and religious spectrum, or at least understand the importance of knowledge and information to back up their claims and points of view.

    So, dear readers, I understand that the people who need to read this History.org article are probably not reading it and are probably also not reading this blog entry, but one can hope that in their blind trolling of internet sites they might come across this information and broaden their proverbial horizons.

    *end soapbox*

    View the full blog at heartchasms.blogspot.com and like the blog on Facebook.

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