I decided to participate in the senseless (but frequently hilarious) war between the Google and Yahoo search engines. I was disappointed that my results aren’t as hilarious as others have boasted finding. Once you’ve read through my results, feel free to try for yourself. Just type a partial sentence without hitting enter and whatever is listed suggestion is in the drop-down menu is the answer for each engine. I suggest you put Yahoo on the left side and Google on the right side, because Yahoo will keep the drop-down menu up when you click on a different window, whereas Google’s drop-down menu disappears if you’re not hovering it, and you want to be able to do a side-by-side comparison. There will be several things in the dropdown, but the most unique of each is the one you should pick. It’s not exactly scientific, but it’s a fun way to waste a Saturday morning.
Google win (because the Yahoo result reminded me that most of the people who search the internet and therefore create the popular searches that appear in the drop-down are, in fact, stupid for using the word stupid as frequently as a third grade bully when there are truly dozens of other synonyms that would work equally as well in proving a point, thus proving Google’s theory)!
Bin Laden is…
Google: …not real.
Yahoo: …coming to town.
Yahoo win (for making me think of Achmed the Dead Terrorist)!
Google: …is a gumiho.
Yahoo: …is cheating on.
Google win (for making me look up the word gumiho)!
I want to…
Yahoo: …play scary maze game.
Yahoo win (because scary maze games are awesome and dying is so un-awesome)!
Google: …always rectangles.
Yahoo win (because Google had no unique answers and the word trapezoid is fun to say)!
My sheep are…
Yahoo win (for sounding like my three year old)!
My money is on…
Google: …the little guy.
Google win (for making me think of midgets…ahem…excuse me…um…little people and I don’t know who this Floyd feller is, but I don’t trust him)!
Yahoo win (sorry, Google, but while you’re technically correct because babies can be quite gross at times, I gotta give props to yahoo for making me laugh so hard that, had I been drinking a beverage, it totally would have shot right out of my nose)!
Please put your…
Google: …pants on.
Yahoo: …cell phone on.
Google win (because I dare you to find one not funny thing about that sentence, “Please put your pants on”)!
My ice cream is…
Google: …too hard.
Yahoo: …better than yours.
Yahoo win (because Google is probably offering practical advice on how to have softer ice cream, while Yahoo is making people think of Kelis)!
That dinosaur is…
Google: [no result in drop-down menu]
Yahoo win (because Google didn’t show up for the match)!
And the results of my 10 searches put yahoo in the lead. Readers (if you exist), you are welcome to vote on my searches and tell me if you think I picked the wrong winner here. Google, why hast thou forsaken me, oh deity? I rely on you for so much, yet you didn’t bring your A game this time. Sure, you provide me with accurate and quick results anytime I do serious searches while Yahoo just gives me a bunch of bullarky and unrelatedness, but when I really needed you to be quirky and make me laugh you just couldn’t do your job. Ima gonna cry now…or maybe not. Your maps are still the awesomest, but where can I find a kayak and a jet ski?
Kelis–Damn right its better than yours.