I have always been prone to odd dreams. I supposed that’s not unique to me. The subconscious mind is a weird and wonderful place. People have been known to dream solutions to problems, dream of future events, and even dream a diagnosis for their illnesses. Dreams are so powerful, that some people have been known to have real-life consequences to dream events.
My brother used to dream that he was a werewolf running through the forest chasing prey; he would wake to find injuries on his body consistent with his dream sequences. Chances are, sleepwalking or forgotten events the day before actually caused the injuries, but as we do not know fully how dreams work, one can never know for sure. I had a friend who once dreamed about having sex with the boyfriend of a sibling (she was a virgin). Her period was then quite late. She had to struggle to convince herself that it had all just been a dream.
With all the of the oddities of dreams, it is no wonder why I would want to analyze my own dreams. As a child, I kept a regular dream journal. I am not quite sure why I ceased the practice. Perhaps because handwriting has always caused painful hand cramping which has gotten much worse these days and is now coupled with numbness. Perhaps because my memory is failing me at the ripe old age of twenty five and I can’t always remember my dreams in the time it takes to grab a pen, let alone boot up a laptop.
But sometimes my dreams remain with me well into the waking day. Sometimes they disturb me, titillate me, intrigue me. Sex dreams are the most annoying things, because it is most usually about a person I’ve no conscious desire to couple with. Such is the case with a recent series of dreams. Thrice, I have dreamed about having sex with my husband’s best friend.
The thing is, while I get along with the guy, and appreciate that he used to talk with me for long periods of time during mine and husband’s troubled beginnings, I have always only liked him as being a friend. He’s husband’s best friend. Even were he not, he’s not the kind of guy I’d be attracted to. He has bad teeth, smokes cigarettes, and lives with his parents (in his defense, they are at that age where it’s reasonable to conclude that a child might have to start caring for them).
I’ve certainly never had romantic or sexual feelings for him. And although the three of us resided together for periods of time during the last several years, I have only ever seen him fully clothed. The guy even sleeps fully clothed (he didn’t always shut his bedroom door when we were all roommates and usually actually slept in the livingroom).
So why is my mind putting him in my bed and naked? Moreover, why did my mind, last night, construct a scenario in which husband and his friend had joined me in bed for a threesome. Of course, we never got around to actually finishing the act. The friend got pissed off about something and stormed out of the room, perhaps because my subconscious mind couldn’t fill in the blanks.
When I woke up, for some reason I started wondering what it all would actually be like. Is he a gentle or rough lover? Does he smoke a cigarette after sex? Lights on or off? Is he into foreplay? Would he ever go downtown? It’s fucked up that my subconscious mind would go there, let alone that my conscious mind would begin to consider it.
I know the guy would never see me in that light. In fact, he once told me that he’s never found anything even remotely attractive about any of husband’s lovers. “No offense,” he’d said. Given that he’s been husband’s best friend since before I was ever in husband’s life, and given mine and husband’s seven year history, even if the guy did have some hidden attraction to me (like some of husband’s other friends have confessed to having) he would likely never admit to it or act on it.
I also know that I would never go down that road. I love husband and have no desire to cheat on him. If for some reason he and I split up for good, I wouldn’t go looking among the ranks of his friends (especially not his best friend) for a new lover. And there are the above reasons why I am not attracted to this guy.
As for my mind conjuring up images of a ménage à trois, I would be mad if husband asked me to do a threesome with any of my friends. Certainly, the concept of him wanting to boink my best friend would make me livid. I’m not entirely sure how to define a best friend at this juncture of my life, though. I have several friends that I’d hate to rank above or below each other. I would be equally pissed if he wanted to hook up with any of them. I also know from personal experience what the aftermath can be like when a couple invites a friend (me) into their marriage.
If I asked husband to try a threesome, he’d likely be interested in the male + female + female construct. Even if he agreed to a male + female + male construct, he’d probably want to pick the person for/with me but it would probably not be a friend of his. Even if he wanted a friend of his to join us, I’m thinking this guy would be at the bottom of the list, being the friendship with the most to lose should something go wrong.
Monogamy is a relationship construct that makes the most sense to me at present, but on occasion I have wondered about other relationship constructs, such as the so-called “open relationship.” In earlier decades, these people were simply called “swingers.” While I’m curious about such things, I don’t know that I could go through with it. What if I agreed to open our relationship or swing and then figured out I didn’t want that after he got really into the lifestyle? What if it turned out I was really into the lifestyle but he didn’t like it? Such things could ruin a marriage as equally as secretive sexual encounters.
Baby Bash—I wanna know what you got on your mind. Is it the same as mine? We can bump and grind, and tell your friend she can come along–why? I would never leave her behind, hell no!