I busted a blood vessel in my eye. I saw it in the mirror, and tried to recall what could have caused it. Husband hadn’t punched me in the eye (if he had I would have looked much worse and he’d have been in jail getting to meet his new wife Bubba…). Luna or Freya hadn’t whapped me in the eye. I hadn’t run into anything. Then it hit me, so to speak: I had had an especially strenuous bowel movement during the morning. Yes, I know, you totally wanted to know about it. I can see you’re marking it down on your calendars now, that today is the best day of your life for knowing about my bowel habits. Well, you’re in luck! Cause I’m going on.
I have always had “irritable” bowels. I had learned to avoid certain foods (dairy products, beans, legumes, pork, beef, broccoli, spicy foods, starchy foods, just to name a few) if I didn’t want consequences. The problems is, I love all of the above, with the exception of milk. My mother used to make me eat metamucil and drink metamucil every day. I’ve blogged before aboutthe bowel damage I havefrom my childhood rape, and about my obsessions with consensual back door boinking with my husband, but the underlying causes for my intestinal ditress are traced back to somethingin my own body, not external causes.
While randomly Googling things one day, I had come across an article on Intestinal Endometriosis (IE) that caught my attention. When my older sister was 22 (on that birthday, actually), she found out she had endometriosis. The disease has a variety of symptoms. Some women have no symptoms and others have severe ones. Women get pain ranging from 0 to Too Serious For Numbers. I have only had a handful of painful periods, but my digestive system has been horrible to me. Because of my reproductive issues, I have suspected for the last seven years since my sister’s diagnosis that I could be a sufferer too, but perhaps a less severe case than hers. Does she have IE? What if I have IE as well?
I realize that my bleeding can be traced back to other known causes, but I do also have “seasonal” bleeding that makes me wonder. And now that you’ve read something you totally wanted to read, feel free to tell me that I’m over-thinking things and that I’m a hypochondriac and that I need to quit looking for answers and just be.
Pearl Jam–Practiced are my sins, never gonna let me win, aw-huh. Under everything, just another human being, aw-huh. Yeh, I don’t wanna hurt, there’s so much in this world to make me believe.