Live-in Maid?

This morning I woke up at 6.30 to the sounds of husband getting home from work. Usually he gets off work at 7, so I asked why he was home early. Apparently Evil Corporation wanted him to “cut hours” before the end of the week.

He works Sunday through Thursday, 10p-7a. Since Evil Corporation doesn’t want to hire enough employees to get the jobs done on time, he works a lot of over time each pay period. But, since Evil Corporation doesn’t want to pay their existing employees for the overtime, they always ask them to “cut hours” at the end of each week. That way Evil Corporation is only showing a person working 40 hours or less, when in reality on a daily basis they may have worked a ten or twelve hour shift.

I honestly think that anything above 8hrs on the clock should count as over time on the paycheck. People have families they miss spending time with, sleep they miss out on getting, lives outside of work…but in sacrificing all that for the Evil Corporation, they don’t gain anything if they don’t get paid as over time.

Evil Corporation will punish employees for going over their hours “without permission” and will punish employees for working less than their hours “without permission.” “Work your scheduled hours!” they demand”…unless it means you’ll have to get paid more because we strongly suggested it would be beneficial to the likelihood of continued employment with our corporation if you work extra time for four days strait.”

After he told me why he was home early, he stripped down to his boxers…and went to play WOWcrack. So I went back to sleep.

Around 10a he came back in the room and said, “I thought you might want to wake up. It’s 10am in the morning.”

I went ahead and obliged, mainly because I figured that if I didn’t get up he’d send Luna in after me. She wasn’t up yet, but she woke up not long after I did. At first, it was a relatively uneventful day. Luna played and ran back and forth between me and husband as I played on my computer (on WOW and FaceBook mostly) and husband played on his. Our usual “family” time…

It didn’t take long, however, for Luna to start letting her inner demon show. Constant unauthorized trips into the kitchen to mess with our new kitten’s food and water or dig in the fridge or go into my office and steal pens or smear her cereal bars and cheese sticks all over the house or dump more toys on the floor instead of picking up the ones already there…

I got tired of it. The last straw came when she took said stolen pens and scribbled on the couch that was new at tax time. I told her to take the pen to daddy, because I didn’t want to spank her while I was infuriated. She shouted “NO!!!” and threw the pen into the kitchen as she ran down the hall. I thought she was heading to his office, but no. She, instead, veered off into her room when she realized he would probably spank her. He took that opportunity to finally intervene in the way of shutting her door and saying it was naptime. She screamed at us for the better part of an hour and then husband announced he was going to bed.

I went ahead and let her out of her room, because, no matter how much trouble she’s in, our “night night love you” and “bye bey love you” routines don’t need to get scrapped. We did the hugs and kisses and husband went to bed.

I put Luna down for her real nap, since she hadn’t actually napped before then. While she napped I played Sims 3. SimLuna didn’t misbehave, but SimHusband kept trying to set the house on fire. SimAshley got to make two trips to Egypt, by herself. A vacation would be sooo nice in real life. And if taking care of a family were as easy in real life as it is on Sims…SimAshley even has a maid!

When Luna (real Luna) woke up from her nap, I asked her to pick up her toys. This started five hours of oh-so-much-un-fun. There was the glob of neon green feces I found on her bedroom floor. She hasn’t used the floor in a long time. Then there was the fact that every time she got her toybox more than half full she would dump it all back out again. Then there was her repeating the behaviors from this morning.

At one point, I got up to wash dishes…she dumped her toybox back out. At another point, I got up to make husband’s lunch (beef stroganoff and corn)…she dumped her toybox back out. At another point, I got up to sweep the kitchen floor…she dumped her toybox back out. I put her back in her room at that point because it was almost 9.30p and the cat had just puked behind the couch.

I’m not supposed to be moving furniture, but I had to move the couch sections so that I could get back there to clean up the cat puke. I locked Midnight (the kitten) into the bathroom, in case he felt the need to puke again, then dragged the couches out of the way so I could reach the puke. Luna yelled at me from her room “no yock kitty in bafroom!!” but I ignored her and continued in my duty.

Vinegar is awesome. Not only did it clean up the cat puke without a trace (which I expected) but all I could smell while cleaning up the cat puke was vinegar. One thing I’ve always known about myself is that the smell of puke makes me puke. This is exponentially more-so when pregnancy is involved. But when I sprayed my vinegar and water solution on the floor (1 part vinegar to 4 parts water, or 1 part vinegar to 3 parts water, depending on the strength needed), all it smelled like was vinegar.

Anyway, after cleaning up the puke and putting the couches back, I say down to relax and started typing this blog entry, while chatting with my little brother on Yahoo. Husband woke up to go to work. He started to walk down the hall to his office, but stopped.

“I guess NOTHING got cleaned today either.” he said, snarkily.

This pissed me off because he’d already had an argument with me this morning during the fighting to get Luna to take a nap because we’d let her out to go potty and he saw that there was baby powder all over the counter and said I hadn’t cleaned the house in month. I have cleaned it way more often than that, but our demon-spawn keeps making messes, such as continually dumping out baby powder.

In response to his statement tonight, though, I said “You have no idea what kind of day I’ve had. All day long she has started to fill that toybox up and then dumped it back out again.”

I told him about the times I got up to clean this or that, only to find her making a big mess in the hallway again. He didn’t seem to care one way or the other. Luna heard us talking and decided to plea to be let out of her room again. Since it was time for the “bye bye love you” routine, I decided to let her loose. She ran up and hugged and kissed him, sniffling the whole time and glaring at me. Cause I’m the bad guy…

After husband left for work, I took the pushbroom and swept all of Luna’s junk out of the livingroom floor and into the hallway. I asked her to clean up her toys…again. She was having none of that. I told her that her choices were to clean up her toys or go to bed. She’s been in her room ever since…she chose going to bed. /sigh

When my blood pressure returns to a healthier state, I’m going to get back up and pushbroom everything from the hallway into her room and shut the door. Then maybe I’ll vacuum and finish the dishes…if I’m not ready to pass out from exhaustion by then. I have no idea how I’m going to handle three days of community service at the Convention Center next week. I can’t fathom my body holding up for that long. But alas my husband doesn’t think I deserve a dime of his paycheck or his credit line to pay for my needs, wants, or debts…

I am now taking applications for a live-in nanny and maid. Must have the sex drive of a tree stump and the beauty of Medusa. Must be willing to be on call 24-7. Must have enough energy to keep up with a demon toddler and keep the house as spotless as a 1950s sitcom housewife. Must be willing to work for food and a roof over their head rather than cash money. Must not care whether I leave the house to go to work, school, or a margarita night with my gal pals (if I have any). Apply in the comments section of my blog. 🙂

Trisha Yearwood–Phone rings, baby cries, TV diet, guru lies, good morning honey. Go to work, makeup, try to keep the balance up, between love and money[…]Mama needs romance, and a live-in maid. Fix the sink, mow the yard, really isn’t all that hard, if you get paid.

View the full blog at heartchasms.blogspot.com and like the blog on Facebook.

10 thoughts on “Live-in Maid?

  1. If Luna doesn’t want to pick her toys up, “throw them away” by putting them all in a trash bag, and then storing said bag while she is not looking. Anything she doesn’t specifically ask for after a month, REALLY throw away.

  2. We’ve done that. It doesn’t seem to faze her much, lol. I’ve gotten her down to a small amount of toys in her room right now. The mess that bothers me most is when she tears up things or gets into things that aren’t hers to get into. I should probably just put everything up on a high enough shelf that I need a stepladder to get to it all, and hide the stepladder from her. 😛

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