Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s Tuesday, April 6th, 2010, and my last blog entry was January 21st of this year…
But don’t worry, blog fans, I’m not gone and you are not forgotten. I’ve just been busy as of late. Let’s see, last time we spoke, or rather last time I typed and you people pretended to have read what I typed, I was sick with some unknown ailment, as were the hubs and the kiddo. Well, a couple of weeks after that, I found out some awesome and scary news: I’m pregnant again!
Why is it awesome? Because I love children and have always wanted more than one. Why is it scary? Because I have had three miscarriages, the most recent being last year.
But, readers and stalkers, I am happy to announce that I am in my second trimester and xxcrossfingersxx have not had any complications to date. Well, if you don’t count the constant vomiting and the fact that I got pink eye last week and the sore throat and the ear pain and the odd cravings and the bathroom breaks… 🙂
I am sad to announce that I cannot pursue my weightloss goals at this time. Generally, you cannot or at least should not deliberately lose weight until after the baby’s born, although I have lost some during the pregnancy, but gained it back.
I am thinking this time it might be a boy. My daughter never gave me this much trouble. I’ve been vomiting about half of the things I consume. Not sure I’ve felt the movements yet; could still just be gas, lol, but I’ve been sick an awful lot.
I know it comes with the territory, but the sore throat is bothering me. I brewed some hot tea this morning to try to help. (It didn’t.)
I found out last week that I had pink eye. I was prescribed eye drops from the school clinic. They work and then don’t work. Other than the eye drops the only meds I’m on are prenatal vitamins. I’m contemplating a trip to an ER or something because of my mounting health issues, but I don’t want to be stuck with the bill. Medicaid is dragging their butts on my case.
I got a letter Saturday saying my case had been closed because of the pregnancy I miscarried last year which was due in February. They hadn’t closed the case when I’d reported it. I went up there yesterday to discuss the issue with them and make sure that my new case with this new pregnancy was still pending. I was told that they would send a letter requesting more information but wouldn’t tell me what they needed while I was there in person.
I asked how long it might take to process and they said they were still backed up from November. I mentioned being a high-risk pregnancy. The woman said I needed a note from a doctor to prove that. I told her I couldn’t go to a doctor without medicaid and the bizitch rolled her eyes at me! I plastered a fake smile and said “Thank you very much” in my best “fuck off and die” voice and left the office, infuriated.
So now it’s a waiting game…yay…
Each day, I’m more and more in favor of socialized medicine. Since myself, and many many loved ones, have struggled with both government and private insurance and the red tape and the rejection and the high costs, it just makes more sense to me. If the government were 100% in charge of my health, it is cheaper to keep me healthy than to keep me sick. I don’t want them telling me what I can watch on TV, how many children I can have, what websites I can visit, but keeping me healthy, I’m all for that.
I know Americans, collectively, are too selfish a lot for Socialism as a governmental form, but if healthcare (and possibly education) were socialized completely, I think it would benefit the country as a whole.
My husband and I pay taxes. He works hard at his job, but brings in about $17,000 a year if he works a lot of overtime. After taxes and other deductions, bills, mortgage, auto insurance, food, and miscellaneous expenditures, we have little-to-nothing left. If it weren’t for the money I’ve borrowed to go to college, we wouldn’t have a lot of the things we do. Granted, some things we own aren’t necessities, but there’s something to be said for the quality of life argument–if you work hard and live in squander it can lead to depression and/or stress which cannot be good for your health.
Social welfare is not a new concept in America. If it weren’t for social welfare, I would not have gotten out of Marshall, Texas at 17 and gotten into college at 18 (Job Corps). If it weren’t for social welfare, I wouldn’t even be able to afford college (grants, loans, and scholarships). If it weren’t for social welfare my husband and I wouldn’t be homeowners (FHA and HUD). If it weren’t for social welfare my husband’s paychecks would be insufficient to keep our household running because of the cost of our grocery bill and medical costs (food stamps, WIC, and Luna’s Medicaid).
I do not want to be “on the system”. I would love to be able to make our income stretch to cover everything that we need (and maybe even things we want). But I’ve done the math. If I went back to work, the cost of childcare for one child (and soon two) would eat away at much of my paycheck with my current earning potential. Then, because I was earning more income, we would lose all of the aid we are getting. Yes, getting off of the aid would be good, but if our combined household income did not substantially offset the amount of aid we’d lost, we would still be in the same boat, only no longer eligible for the help.
Some might say, why would you have another child when you are already in a financial strain. To them I say, what right have you to police my uterus? And what right have you to judge? If you add up the current medical costs to keep a healthy pregnancy and healthy child raised up to age 18, the cost to put myself and said child through college, the cost to feed the whole family, the cost to house and clothe the whole family, the cost of transportation and childcare…after a while you begin to see that few people in this country can afford to have a family without help of some kind, either through friends, family, charitable organizations, or governmental aid. Is it fair to say, “You are poor. You are not allowed to breed!” as if being poor automatically meant a bad gene pool? There are lots of people who are independently wealthy and have terrible genetics. Yet, if they so desired to breed, no one would object to their conceiving a child. Why not? They have money, right?
People think that poor people breed more poor, helpless, societally dependent, criminal children. As if no one from a “good” home or a “wealthy” home ever committed a crime. How many school shootings were performed by middle class kids? How many suburban neighbors are interviewed about murderers, rapists, child molesters, and serial killers, “He was such a nice guy.”
My point is that it’s not the money in the household, it’s the way the parents treat the kids, the way society treats the kids, that breeds “bad” children. They say it takes a village to raise a child. I don’t know who “they” are, but I know they’re right. America, we are a village. We need to help each other raise the children, instead of telling each other who can or cannot have them.
Smile Empty Soul–We are the people that you hate. We are the bastards that you created, a generation with no place, a generation of all your sons and, we are the people that you hate, the fucking bastards that you created, a generation with no place, a generation of all your sons and daughters.