It’s been almost six weeks since the OBGYN visit and the blood test that confirmed my miscarriage. I’ve had random bleeding since then, which I suppose I should assume is menstrual. I can’t tell if I’ve resumed ovulation; my body still seems to be in pregnancy mode. Part of me is still lost in the fantasy that I’ll end up finding out that it was all just a misunderstanding and the baby is fine. But that part of me is crazy, so I tell her to shut up so I can focus on other things.
I am taking nine courses this semester; in spite of my initial optimism this is turning out be a disaster on my part. I am on campus five days a week–three of those I am there til six or seven, long after the sun has set. Each class assigns homework and each assignment is due at a set time, but my efforts towards organization have long since been abandoned. My house and mind are a mess at present. I have a lot of major projects due or overdue, and some that will be due at semester’s end. My inspiration OD’d on sugar and caffeine, my organization ran off with my skillful elaboration and my motivation is vacationing in the British Virgin Islands, so I’m stuck here trying to figure this out on my own.
Luna is doing well and talking too much. (Who did she get that from…?) She loves to distract me from my schoolwork and housework. I usually don’t mind the distraction, but then I realize later that cuddling with her for an hour or tickling her for twenty minutes was all kinds of fun and all kinds of keeping me from getting anything done. In a sense, loving and caring for my child is productive, but it is not getting the house clean (which Robert wants) or getting my schoolwork done (which my professors require).
My car broke down over the weekend and my babysitter canceled today–her son was ill and we wouldn’t want to risk getting Luna sick. Because Robert had to drive me to campus early this morning, I was already seated in a study lounge with Luna when I found out about the childcare issue. Initially, the plan was to go to class anyway and either take Luna with or have a friend watch her on campus.
However, I ended up leaving my first class after it became apparent within the first two minutes that Luna would not sit still and behave. I had to confess to not having the essays that were due today. The professor said he understood and gave me the handouts I would need, suggesting I conference with him at a later time.
I spotted the instructor for the second class after leaving the first, so I was able to meet with her in person, inform her of the situation, and request permission to not attend. I told her I would email my transcribed interviews which were due today. I haven’t yet emailed any of them though.
Most of my professors this semester work with fluid deadlines, so I am hoping that they will be okay with me not turning things in yet. I have plans to stay up late tonight and tie up loose ends on a variety of projects for my nine classes as well as cleaning house; however, at present I am busily relaxing, playing on the computer, and watching the Cheech and Chong Roast on TBS. I am already feeling fatigued from my five in the morning wake-up, so I’m starting to think perhaps going to bed would be a good idea. I would love to attend my courses tomorrow, in spite of my lack of motivation in finishing projects, but I still haven’t found a sitter. I think I’ll be emailing my professors of tomorrows classes and informing them of my childcare and transportation issues. If I don’t end up going to classes because of these issues, maybe I can use the time I would have been in classes to clean the house and get caught up on schoolwork. Or maybe I can get caught up on sleep…
Sleep Serapis Sleep–There you are, cold, dark and balled like all my rough drafts.