To the men and women who are trying to wreck my home:
I am contacting you because I would like to think that you are an intelligent and understanding individual. I love my husband very much, and from what I understand he loves me too. We may have had some tough times in the past, but we are working hard to move forward with our marriage, and with the raising of our beautiful 18 month old daughter. He thinks that I am just being jealous, but to me cheating is not just having sex with another woman outside of our marriage. It also includes any intimate act with another individual and also the discussion of past and future sex acts. I know he is not deliberately trying to hurt me, and I also know that by looking for evidence of what my heart tells me to be true, I am only participating in a self-fulfilling prophecy when I indeed find proof of infidelity.
Whatever relationship you may have had with him in the past, I would like you to be kind enough to me to put an end to it here and now. I don’t care if you have to tell him that I told you to stop; I know he’ll be pissed, but I am pissed right now. I have told him countless times that I ceased all contact with past and potential partners the day I vowed to be his wife. I told him prior to marrying me that if he could not commit to me and me alone until his dying day that he should not marry me at all. I never once indicated that his daughter would not be in his life. Quite the contrary, I knew that whatever happened between he and I was irrelevant because our daughter’s happiness is contingent upon our getting along, not on our being together.
He could have chosen to be a bachelor, live alone, and have sex with whoever he so desired. Instead, he chose to surprise me with a wedding on October 31, 2007. We have been married for over a year now, and while it has not always been sunshine and daisies, it has been one of the happiest years of my life. If he continues down this path of contacting you, and others like you, to engage in the planning and acting out of sexual fantasies, I have no doubt that our marriage will soon dissolve. Perhaps this is something you want; if so I suppose my contacting you is in vain.
However, I needed to do this, to get these thoughts off of my chest. I am attracted to both men and women; even now that I wear a wedding band upon my left finger, I am constantly getting offers from both genders to participate in everything from one night stands to long term committed relationships. And I would totally take them up on those offers…were it not for my husband. I could never do that to him. After all these years, all he has put me through and all I have put him through, I still could never in good conscious step out of our marriage. He has never been fully honest with me. It is only through the deceitful act of snooping that I have discovered his hidden sexual appetites.
I have asked him in the past, point blank, to tell me everything he fantasizes about, so I can help him achieve those fantasies. I know that I cannot be everything he might want, but I can do my best. I never saw the point in a couple going through all of the trouble to get married if they were just going to have sex with random people outside of that marriage. The only stipulation I put on him when I gave him that ultimatum back in 2007, was that if he chose to not marry me, he could never have me in his bed again. The choice was quite simple: me or everyone else.
I have no desire to share the love of my life, the father of my child, with the rest of the world. If he wants to have sex with you, or with any random other person, then he needs to take me to divorce court, get the paperwork taken care of, and free himself from what he apparently sees as a burden. I do not see him as a burden. I see him as a blessing. I am okay with only bedding him forevermore, because he is the best I have ever had, and because he holds the key to my heart. But I am a proud and strong woman. If I have to live without him, I will. And that is exactly what I will do if I discover that the “innocent banter” between the two of you has progressed to much more than just talk.
It may seem like harmless fun to you—“why not talk about old times?” you may ask yourself. Why not? Because one thing inevitably leads to another. I may not be the best wife for him, maybe to him I am not the love of his life, but if this is true then he needs to be a man and tell me so. I have cried enough tears over him in the past five years. I have gotten so depressed that I have starved myself, overeaten, self-mutilated, or participated in a slew of other destructive behaviors. Enough is, quite frankly, enough.
So tell him you found someone else; tell him his wife is pissed; tell him you suddenly realized you hate him; honestly, I don’t give a shit what you tell him, so long as you’re gone. Because I will tell him myself, if you do not, that it is ME or YOU. I doubt that he will choose you, because I have loved him and stood by him for five years now and I am the mother of his children. But if does, so be it. My daughter and I will pack our bags and find somewhere safe and happy to live, and he will be allowed to visit her as often as he likes but he will never be allowed to even so much as hold my hand again.
A Heartbroken Housewife
The Day After The Turkey [was] Gobbled:
I finally started my period a week ago, and it ended early this morning. I suppose I should be glad, but I’m not. I really do want another child.
Thanksgiving was yesterday. Luna and I spent it with my friend Megan and her husband and child. Robert had to work last night because today was Black Friday, so he couldn’t go with us. There was plenty of food to eat there, and Megan even made sure to sent home a veritable vat of leftovers for us to enjoy. Sitting around her dining room table, just the five of us, I felt the calm and quiet. Sure, the pets and children were singing their choruses, but for the most part it was a solitude. I felt comfortable and safe…
Then last night I got nosy, went snooping on my husband’s computer, found out some things I did not know…
But this morning, before he even knew what I’d done, he brought home a gift for me. A new MP3 Player! He stuck it in my desk drawer and asked me to get a pen, knowing I would open that exact drawer to get him one. Well, I am not very observant, so I handed him a pen distractedly. So he asked for a marker; that I had to dig for, and in doing so discovered the unopened packaging to the MP3 player wedged atop my markers. I was so excited I forgot to be mad at him.
I love Robert very much. And I know he loves me. We’re gonna be okay. I can see us, 95 and 99 years of age, sitting on our porch, in a rocking chair, sipping lemonade. Well, that’s where I’d be; he’d probably be inside the house playing on his PS93, lmao.
Inspiration songs while writing this post:
Gretchen Wilson–You’re just a homewrecker. I know what you’re doin’. You think you’re gonna ruin what I got, but you’re not. Yeah, you little go getter, I’ll teach you a lesson if you get to messin’ with my man. You don’t stand a chance. No, you’re just a homewrecker.
Alan Jackson–Two young people without a thing say some vows and spread their wings, settle down with just what they need, livin on love. She don’t care ’bout what’s in style. She just likes the way he smiles. It takes more than marble and tile, livin on love. Livin on love, buyin on time, without somebody nothing aint worth a dime, just like an old-fashioned storybook rhym, livin on love. It sounds simple, that’s what you’re thinking, but love can walk through fire without blinking. It doesn’t take much when you get enough, livin on love.