Cockfighting, fighting about cocks, and a whole lot of rambling…

The day before yesterday Robert and I had another fight. I know this may come as a shock to some people, but the leading cause of divorce in the United States is *drum roll* MONEY! Anyway, after the fight, he went to take a shower, and I called his mom! I like Donna, my mother-in-law. Maybe that’s because I don’t know her that well, but I’d like to think it’s cause she’s a cool person. She reminds me of my mom, the good and the bad, so I get along with her, what little times I’ve got to spend with her. She may have some opinions of me she hasn’t shared, I don’t know. What I do know is when I called her she was there to listen. I felt much better after an hour and a half of talking to her. I learned a lot about my husband, just by knowing what his daddy put his mommy through. That is no excuse for him to be an asshat to me, but, hey, don’t I use my daddy as an excuse to be less of a woman? *see the post: letter to my daddy* Anyway, I think things will work out just fine, if I can be the better version of me, even if I have to work at it. One thing I really need to work at is to stop complaining to or about him, cause if I were really that unhappy then I’d find a way out of this; I’m not unhappy I’m just frustrated at times. So I’m gonna try really hard to keep it to myself, lmao. Besides, I really really enjoy my husband. He does me right. Yes, I meant it that way, lol. I love having his hands on me, his fully erect and CIRCUMCISED penis inside of me…and on that bit of too much information I will segue into another topic of interest, lmao. There has been a lot of debate recently about the act of circumcising newborn babies. Here’s my take on it: I belong to a social networking site called Café Mom. All of the women on there either have children, have them on the way, or are trying to make them. We have had this circumcision debate on there numerous times. It usually leads to angry remarks and hurt feelings…I have read the research that said it can make a boy too sensitive and the research that said it can make him lose sensitivity. I do not have a son, I have daughter, but if I ever have a son, I want to have the procedure done. There are many reasons for this: A) Hygiene–I do not have penis, and therefore do not know how to properly clean one. My husband is circumcised and therefore does not know how to properly clean an uncircumcised penis. I know there are lots of websites and books to show you how, but I would hate to do it wrong and have my child get an infection that would make things much worse on him. It is hard enough to clean liquid baby poo off of a girl’s genitals. Little boys, even circumcised ones, have a lot more skin down there. B) Cosmetics–Yes, some people would say this is a dumb reason, but I really think this does affect a child’s psychology. I have met tons of men who were upset that they were NOT circumcised. I have yet to meet a man who was pissed off about having the procedure done. I don’t want my child coming home from school every day in tears because the other boys taunted him about looking weird. I don’t want to have to shell out extra money later in his life for the procedure, when it would be even more painful for him, just so he can THEN look like his peers. I have several friends with boys who got them circumcised at birth and the boys recovered quickly, but I have read about grown men getting it done and it being painful. C) Sex–I read how the foreskin is more sensitive, but I have also read how some circumcised men are more sensitive. I know some women say it makes no difference to them, but I’ve also talked to a lot of women who say that an uncircumcised penis desensitizes them, in much the same way as a man wearing a condom would. Also, while most STDs will be spread regardless of the presence or absence of a foreskin, it is more likely for a man to be a carrier of certain STIs (sexually transmitted infections) without realizing it if he is not circumcised and is not properly cleaning himself. Certain STIs, such as, yeast infections and trichomoniasis don’t have any symptoms for a male carrier, but female carriers can range from having no symptoms to having lots of horrible symptoms. They are treatable by antibiotics, but if a man doesn’t know he’s been exposed he won’t treat it; if he continues to be the same partner he caught it from, he could reinfect her even if she treats it, or he could spread it to other partners. I have caught STIs in my teens which I of course no longer have because they were treated with antibiotics, but had I not caught them quickly enough it would have led to reproductive issues. The guys I caught them from were not circumcised. Chances are their parents never taught them proper hygiene, or they did teach them but the guys didn’t listen. I don’t want my future son to have those issues. Yes, I would encourage him to either abstain from sex or to wear a condom, whether or not he was circumcised, but people told me to do that and, well, kids don’t always listen to their parents. Saying what I just said pretty much ended the topic on my Yahoo group, with the exception of someone correcting me and saying probiotics were used and not antibiotics. What the fuck ever? Does that really matter? That was not the point! Then some people think I’m weird because I refused to get Luna’s ears pierced until she’s old enough to want it, and if I ever had Siamese twins I’d let them wait til they wanted to be separated, yet I would cut off my infant’s foreskin. Get over it! Those are my politics and parenting styles; you have your own! Anyway, that’s just another of many recent frustrations…I have had dreams about having multiples, and I’m not sure whether that’s good or bad. Maybe it has nothing to do with babies; maybe it’s something else entirely; maybe it’s just a random neuron firing. Whatever it is, it’s a recurring dream, and I can’t help but wonder…I once had a dream about a guy that had a penis the size of a body pillow who was fucking me and I didn’t feel it at all. And he was an old man too! Actually; he was screwing me in the middle of a burning building. Freud would have a field day with that…It could have something to do with actual events in my life, my bio father raping me at age three *again, see the other post* and for some reason I have always flipped out about fire in my face, though I have no conscious basis for it. I also have a fear of heights, being alone in the dark, body puppets such as BigBird/Barney/School Mascots, black dogs, street drains…need I say more? I was at UAFS one day, and the school mascot was there at one of those job fair thingies they do, and I was walking around and saw him, so I carefully walked in the other direction, and he kept following me, maybe not on purpose, but I was about to have a panic attack; from the moment I first saw him my heart had beat faster and I was breathing heavier. I have no idea where the fear came from. Nor can I explain the other fears I just listed. My friend Charlotte says part of it might be my magical abilities. Every time I spent the night at my Uncle Randall and Aunt Jessie’s old house in Marshall, I would wake up choking if I was downstairs and if I was upstairs I would wake up having dreamed that the house was on fire and I couldn’t get out of the attic. I’m either psychic or psycho…Probably best if I don’t know which one, lmao. So onto a totally unrelated topic…CaféMom won’t let you join unless you have or are currently trying to get a baby. There are chicks on there who are trying to conceive but have no kids, chicks on there who’s boyfriend or husband or girlfriend or wife have kids but they don’t, and then there are chicks who birthed or adopted kids. There are some chicks on there who have had kids but gave them all away, which I don’t think should count…but one of my friends got booted because she was no longer a stepmother or trying to conceive; she was in an abusive relationship and the other mothers had talked her into leaving the man, but after leaving him she could no longer claim stepkids and she could no longer say that he and she were trying to conceive, so some chick got catty and reported her and she got booted from the site…But then there are other chicks on there who have stepkids but don’t love them and don’t care and maybe the kids don’t even live with them but those “moms” get to stay…t’s okay if you’re not maternal, you just have to have a kid or be working on getting one…I have fun on there though. It’s a place to talk about issues, get advice. For instance, there was a religious poll on there with a real enlightening discussion of the fact that there are little to no references to an actual hell in the original bible, and that pagan “hells” are referenced in the KJV and that there was an actual real life fire for burning trash and non-Christian dead that a lot of versus refer to. I’d have to Google to check the references, but it was interesting…Probably not something I’ll discuss in my yahoo group though, lol. If they couldn’t handle the penis issue, I don’t think they’ll be okay with this…I’m seriously considering dropping the group myself; but I’m not going to post a dramatic farewell speech…They go back and forth from no intellectual discussion to intellectual discussion that turns heated and hateful; they rarely ever have family friendly activities and I don’t really think I’d be missed. One thing that’s been bothering me for a while is how they do not like my husband; I want a group that will welcome my whole family, you know? We’re happy, I mean sure, we have issues, but what couple doesn’t? Yes, he can be condescending, but I probably do that too at times…When I first joined the group, it was through my friend Manda. She no longer is around; she and another friend Terah are best friends and I guess since one left the group the other followed suit. By joining the group in the first place, I thought that I would find guidance and help on my path; I found some friendish people, yes, but I never really feel like I’m wanted when I’m at the coffee shop meetings they hold, and when I post to the group I either get no response or everyone disagrees with me, which would be okay, except sometimes they’re mean about it… It also frustrates me that they have negative things to say about Robert, but yet they defend one of his ex fuck buddies who is in the group and claim not to get ANY bad vibes off of her…Anyway, the group has had a lot of people leaving recently. One of them posted a long paragraph that was basically saying that she decided to leave because rather than trying to solve world issues we were arguing about what a penis should look like and she had a point…Really, what do my pagan pals and I do? You know what, we should do a PAGAN commercial and air it on major cable networks, cause churches do it all the time. I mean, we probably can’t afford it as a group and we’re not prone to prosthelatize but I just get annoyed when I see those church ads all the time and nothing to contradict it. Every other product has competition but religion doesn’t. You don’t see mosques and synagogues and Buddhist temples advertising. Atheists and wiccans don’t advertise. Hellenics and druids don’t advertise. I also don’t see much variety in the factions of Christianity being advertised. It’s usually the Baptists or the Methodists, maybe the occasional “non-denominational.” Yet there are like forty different alcoholic beverages advertised in one viewing day. And how many ads for drugs you really don’t need? Or for junk food, fast food, Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Harps? Need a bigger penis? TV’ll show you how! Legs won’t stay still? Why walk when you can take TV drugs? Headache, back ache, earache, tummy ache, acorns up your nose? TV ads can help! Want variety in your religious choices? Too damn bad, TV is GOD’S domain! And why? Why should one invisible distant sky dude get all the air time? I’d like to hear from Zeus or Hera or Hades or Freya or Freyr or Frigg or Heimdall or Branwen or Camalus or Danu or Flidais or Cerridwen or Gwydion or Futsu-Nushi-no-Kami or any and all of the other deities that people choose to conceive. And speaking of conceiving…I wish I knew what my body was up to…Why am I so tired? Oo, I had a salad earlier that was lettuce, green olives, ranch dressing, bacon bits, croutons, shredded cheese and GRAPES. Along with that crazy triplet dream and some other issues I’ve had as of late, I wonder…But chances are nothing at all is going on. Chances are I’ll get to thinking something is going on and then nothing will…Oh well, at least LIFE goes on. My little darling miracle baby girl goes on exploring her world and growing and my handsome and amazing husband goes on being the man I love and I go on writing long and rambling blogs about stuff I probably know nothing about and invisible people who refuse to leave comments to prove they were here go on laughing at my idiocy and time goes on…Triumph–Time goes by. Bridges burn, and big wheels turn, and time can fly. Will it ever bring you back again? You know that I can’t live without your love. Time goes by. You know I’ll never make it alone, make it alone. Can’t you see the fire burnin’ in a young girl’s eyes? Does she think that she moves ahead if she cuts me down to size? Everybody’s got two cents to try to buy some time, but they don’t even know their own hearts. What can they know of mine?


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