I got into an argument with one of my friends yesterday. Here’s the scenario: There we were, chatting on Yahoo Messenger, and I told her something that Robert said to me, and she told me that it was rude of him, and I told her that at one point her husband had said the same thing about her, and she got mad at me and we had an argument, and then some things came up, and now we have a list of topics never to discuss again. I guess I shouldn’t have gone off on her; I don’t know, but like I told her, it pisses me off sometimes the volumes of SHIT my friends and family are willing to talk about my loving husband. Granted, he hasn’t always been so loving, but have I? One needs only to go back and read the old Blog entries to see some of the shit we’ve put each other through, and this blog only covers the last two years or so. When I call people to complain about something Robert has said or done, I’m not looking for a long rant about how much of an ass he’s been to me and why haven’t I left him years ago and there’s a cute guy they want me to meet and maybe I’d be better off…I don’t want that shit. I want someone who will be willing to listen to all that I have to say, and keep me fucking grounded. Like, when I’m on the verge of requesting a divorce because he bought the wrong kind of tampons, or I’m ready to bail on him because he didn’t remember to run an errand, or I’m ready to kill him for not structuring his words less offensively…I want someone to remind me of all the reasons I love him, of all the reasons I married him. I love him because he is strong. I love him because he once cried with me for hours. I love him because he’s never cared that I’m fat. I love him because he gave me Luna. I love him because he knows I’m certifiably insane and he’s still here. I love him because he loves me. I love him because he’s a great lover. I love him because he’s a good friend. I love him because he encourages me to be more assertive. I love him because he’s so sexy. I love him because he’s magical. I love him because he is opinionated. I love him because he is unique. I love him because he is Robert Lee Eubanks Jr. I just love him. And when I’m all upset about some minor insignificant thing he said or did, or even some big major thing, I want reminders of the love, not reminders of past sins. Because if people are going to remind me of his past sins, maybe they should remind me of mine as well. So here they are, if you want arsenal. I once cheated on him. I have randomly and insanely bailed on him on numerous occasions because of things that were all in my bipolar head. When I moved out of his house in Altus one time, I tried to steal some of his stuff. I snoop through his personal belongings and computer files, including his private emails, MySpace, FaceBook, and Yahoo IMs. I am ungrateful and lazy and immature and psychotic, and the list could go on and on, but you know what? HE LOVES ME ANYWAY! He loves me anyway, and I love him anyway, in spite of, or perhaps because of the things he has done to me and with me over the years. Yes, he has cheated on me, and yes he has hurt me emotionally, and yes he is sometimes insensitive and overbearing, but he’s NOT abusive, and he’ll never cheat on me again. He did it when we weren’t married, when he thought in a man’s mind that we were just friends with benefits, but he got over it. He realized he was wrong. I gave him an ultimatum, and he figured things out, and we went on with our lives, and HALLELUJAH, life goes on! Elisa— Fifteen, twenty or thirty people walking on the street together singing songs, and the season changes. There will be new roses. Life goes on. Here and beyond that horizon, it goes on and it changes, and it changes you too.
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