Okay, so I know I haven’t exactly been faithfully writing on here in a while. I have been letting life get in the way of my blogging. A lot has gone on in my life, and I have been trying to figure out how to deal with it all. First, there is Luna. I love her dearly, but did you know that newborns require constant attention? Crazy, right? I have to feed her and clothe her and change her and talk to her and hold her and rock her and take her temperature and give her medicine and sit in cold bathtubs to bring fevers down and shower for the THIRD time in the same day when some random bodily fluid (usually vomitus) douses my entire person.
I am expected to care for this tiny human, she looks to me for all of her needs. I quit my job at the evil corporation to be a full-time, honest-to-goodness, stay-at-home mom. Boyfriend is still working for the company, but at a different store than the one that enslaved me…anyway, in light of lack of income, I have been trying to do ALL of the housework, cook a great deal of the meals, and keep him happy. To his credit, he regrets all of the past events which cause pain in my heart and wishes to make amends, so he is working hard at his job, and buying Luna and I gifts at random, and trying to keep me happy.
However, due to the cutbacks in our budget, I agreed to the idea of taking on a roommate to help out with expenditures. So, as of right now, boyfriend is out attempting to pick up our friend from the bus station. He travelled all the way from New Mexico to live with us. We told him before he made the trip that there were SEVERAL rules he would need to follow: no drinking, no drugs, no cigarettes, no lovers in the house, no messes, clean up after yourself, be respectful, get a job, pay the bills, don’t harm or annoy the baby, don’t steal, don’t fight, don’t piss us off…etcetera.
Anyway, I am not sure how this scenario is going to pan out, but we did need the money, and maybe sometimes he can watch Luna while boyfriend and I get out of the house. One thing that bothers me though is that back in September boyfriend purchases us a pair of golden wedding bands and which were supposed to be a surprise but he ended up telling me during one of my common bouts of depression. So he buys these rings, and I get my hopes up, because he always said that Halloween would be the day, and it’s coming up, but now I’m wondering, because it’s tomorrow, and we haven’t made ANY plans.
Is that supposed to be the point? I mean, Arkansas IS one of those show-up-the-day-of-and-get-your-license type states. Is he planning to not plan, to be spontaneous and random and take me there to the courthouse sometime tomorrow? Or am I making the WRONG speculations? Mayhap his intent is a long engagement. But if that is so, it will piss me off, because in all technicality, I have been waiting to marry him four 4.5 years now and I am plum tired of waiting.
But who’s to say what he’s up to? All I know is, he made sure we both had Halloween free, that neither of us made any definite plans. I suppose I should expect nothing so I won’t be disappointed, and then if it happens I can have the elation. If nothing else, tomorrow there is an open mic event at my university and Trick-Or-Treating at the local mall, as well as in random neighborhoods, so we can take Luna around and have all kinds of fun, and if it happens it happens.
I do love him though, and if he makes me wait another year, I can try that patience thing I once read about…after all, didn’t I once tell all of you imaginary friends that I’m tired of making plans?
Robert Burns–The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men Gang aft agley.