Okay, so I’m just a little confused right now. I came to Oklahoma to live with a friend and start my life over, but all I’ve gotten is fights and misunderstandings. Apparently me being me is the problem, but how do I completely reprogram myself to make other’s happy?
And why the fuck should I? I am, after all, my own person and equally entitled by the US constitution to life, liberty, and the pursuit (if not attainment) of happiness, so why should I squelch my personality, my fashion sense (or lack thereof) and my hopes and dreams just to make everyone else happy?
Why do I have to give up on being the woman I have come to be just because the people I chose to live with aren’t happy enough with themselves to be able to live their life the way they choose?
So I have a decision to make; I either continue to live with these people, and the drugs and the fights and all of that, and be miserable, or I move in with my stalker and his family and feel forced to assimilate into a family I don’t want to be a part of, or move in with another friend who thinks housework and hygiene are optional, or pay for a place of my own and be stuck here indefinitely because I cannot afford to both rent a place and buy a car…Decisions, decisions…But I think that a trashed house is better than a crash house any day.
I most definitely will not be living with my stalker’s family, and I’d rather not rent a place here, for I need the money for a vehicle, or to pay for moving elsewhere. I am miserable here as I would have been being completely alone back in Texas. I have been doing a lot of soul searching as of late, and think I finally know what I want out of life, at least part of it anyway.
But sharing that with my blog readers right now is not my choice, for I want to wait until I get all the kinks worked out. Suffice to say that I will do what I have to do to survive, and will continue to grow and change as a person until I can become the woman I was always meant to be.
The Eagles — Twenty-one and strong as I can be, I know what freedom means to me, and I can’t give the reason why I should ever want to die. Got no cause to be afraid, or fear that life will ever fade cause as I watch the rising sun, I know that we have just begun. I might spend my life upon the road, just trying to add to what I know, then someday I might settle down, and all my friends will be around.