Worry

I am now approximately ten weeks along now. I am supposed to not worry, as it could make things worse, but all I can do is think about what might be going on. I put myself back on bed-rest pending my next doctor visit, because I was bleeding more and more, and it makes doing my job difficult. My boss wants me to focus on me and what is best for my baby, and not worry about work. I bleed when I am on my feet. I bleed when I have a full bladder, or a particularly rough bowel movement. I bleed when I have to bend or lift anything, regardless of weight. In short, it seems that I may end up having to lay about throughout my pregnancy. I never intended for this to happen. I knew I wouldn’t be able to push myself as hard as I had been, but I didn’t think I would have to quit work altogether. Robert and I have prepared to move into a six-hundred-dollar-a-month apartment, but unless someone else lives there with us, someone who is willing to pay half of everything, then it may not work. My mother wants me to move closer to her and the rest of my family. Robert’s brother wants him to move to Houston. I feel like I have brought this all about, and that I am being pulled apart to make decisions. I have no choice but to worry, except worry is the one thing I am not supposed to do. For now, I guess I should just get back in bed, and try to lose myself in stupid television shows. Bob Marley–In every life we have some trouble. When you worry you make it double. Don’t worry; be happy.

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