Sleep, Or The Lack Thereof…

I am awake right now, but barely. I think I fell asleep around two in the morning, but I kept waking up every hour or two to use the bathroom, and just recently my stomach saw fit to inform me that I needed to take one of the few things I have left in my pantry and breakfast upon it. Thus, I found myself in the kitchen preparing Spanish rice, from a ready to cook package, just add water and microwave. While in the kitchen, I glanced at the growing pile of dishes, part mine and part roommates’, but still annoying to all of us. I washed just the dish and fork I needed to both cook and eat my rice, but one of my roommate’s walked into the room while I was doing this. I could hear her thinking that I needed to wash all, not just one of my dishes, and I wanted to scream at her that I am facing potentially serious complications with my pregnancy, that my life and very likely my unborn child’s life could be in serious danger. I didn’t shout these things, mostly because I don’t have the energy to shout, and I know she wouldn’t give a shit anyway. My three roommate’s are college juniors, twenty one, party-all-the-time, mommies-and-daddies’ credit cards, the cars they own and the cell phones are also courtesy of mommies-and-daddies’ money. They do have jobs, but earn very little, and must supplement the small amount they can contribute to bills with mommies-and-daddies’ money. I never came from that world. I had to work hard to get where I am, and I am still not in a good place. I have to move out of this apartment at the end of May, and have an apartment to move into, but cannot afford it, since I may have to quit working in order to protect this child. Robert is doing the best he can, but as a part time Wal-Mart employee he will not be able to do much. My mother wants me to move to Marshall again, live with her or another family member or family friend. Robert’s brother wants us to move to Houston…Well there are a lot of options, but it is a scary world, and as soon as I eat my rice I’m climbing back into bed to hide from this world. Royal Fam–It’s so hard in this world. It’s so hard in this world, no money, no jobs, no college degrees; what?

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