Ecstasy And Infamy

So I go to the Dictionary today, you know, cause I’m curious and boring like that, and I look up two random words that just popped into my head at the same time, ecstasy and infamy. Don’t ask my why I thought of these two words. Perhaps it is because I rarely experience true ecstasy and because I feel infamous sometimes.

Anyway, this is what I discovered about these two words:

Ecstasy from Wikipedia.

Ecstasy can be intense joy or delight, but it can also mean a state of emotion so intense that one is carried beyond rational thought and self-control. In other words, you could feel extreme anger and it could still be ecstasy. In Latin, extasis means terror; in Greek ekstasis means astonishment or distraction. Ecstasy appears to be something that people at once love and fear to reach. There is even a psychotropic drug named after it, but few people really know what it is or how to really get there.

I want the ecstasy of orgasm; I want the terror, astonishment, distraction, joy and delight that carries me out of myself; I want ecstasy. Some people say I should feel ashamed to put my mind on the Internet like this, but why not? If complete strangers and random family members read it, perhaps they will get to know the real me a little better, the me I am ashamed to show out in the real world, for fear of retribution. I would hate to be the topic of scorn and opprobrium when I walk into a room, but I still want to be myself and so the Internet is the best place to be that way.

Infamy from Wikipedia.

Speaking of scorn and opprobrium, the word infamy is somewhat synonymous with those two words. I found that out today. I guess everyone knows that to live in infamy means to have an evil fame or reputation; you know, to be infamous. Everyone undoubtedly knows infamy is an evil or criminal act that is publicly known, that to be infamous is to be dishonorable. Everyone remembers Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s famous quote, “…A date which will live in infamy…” So I do not know why I never really analyzed the word before to consider it’s meaning, but I took the time to do so today.

I don’t know why, but I feel like I could be described by that word. I mean, I am not 100% evil or anything, and I don’t commit heinous crimes or anything, but I do sinful shameful things all the time. Well, not really, because to do sinful shameful things would be to do things that I felt were morally wrong, and the things I do are not in my own opinion morally wrong. Morality is a relative concept, so here is my definition: to be moral is to do what is right by oneself first, then what is right by one’s religion, then to do right by one’s country.

However, if any of these three things contradict each other, one must follow the laws of whichever one will get them into the least trouble. For instance, murder is illegal in most places, but some religions allow for it in certain instances and some people believe that it is okay. One should not commit murder if it is illegal to do so. If one’s religion requires murdering people, then the religion should be reconsidered or the person should move somewhere where it would not be against the law.

So anyway, if I do things that others consider lewd or lascivious, or if I do things that others deem shameful and sinful, these things are not wrong to me. I can write on the Internet about my sex life and I can eat a whole pizza in one sitting and I can waste half my paycheck on CDs as long as I feel good about it, as long as I think it is the right thing to do, as long as my religious beliefs are not ignored, and as long as it is not against the laws of the United States of America in which I live.

And while we’re on the subject of religions, the one that makes the most since to me right now, the one that I would follow if I chose to follow any of them, would be Wicca. Wicca has one rule, “Do no harm.” This means no harm to yourself, to others, to anything; just one rule. And everything else is up to the individual, which is great for me, because religion should be private. I mean, I could tell you about my religious beliefs, but I should not tell you to believe them, for that is up to you alone to decide.

Maybe Wicca is not right for you; maybe Christianity or Scientology or Rastafarianism or Voodoo or Gnosticism or any number of other religions are for you, and that is okay, because you are who you are and you believe in what you believe in and I’m okay with it as long as you’re okay with it but you better not try to shove it down my throat because I will not tolerate that nonsense. Don’t get a power trip because you think your god, gods, goddess, or purple elephant is better than what I believe in. You are just as small and unimportant as me and everyone else on this planet and we’re all just bouncing around in this big blue ball with no point or purpose but for to be ourselves and learn some shit, so just chill the fuck out!

Ani DiFranco–Oh! Oh! Everyone is a fucking Napoleon.

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